The Definition of Love
by Kawaii-Akuhei
Summary: COMPLETE What happens when the characters from sCRYed, Inuyasha, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Final Fantasy all meet up at a fancy hotel? Drama, mayhem, penguins, and twisted love...This is rated 'T' for some language and minor suggestive themes.
1. Arrival

**An OOC Fanfic written by Kawaii Fantasy and Akuhei no Kyouwa**

**Love – noun. An action that eventually leads up to either A) Death; B) Murder; C) Jail; D) Plots of Revenge**

**Disclaimer:** We do not own any of the characters of the animes and games mentioned in this fanfic. We only own the plot.

**Author's Note: **This is a plot that Kawaii and I (Akuhei) came up with randomly. It was a lot of fun to make and hopefully equally as fun to read for all of you. The contents of this story are really random and leave a lot to the imagination. There are a lot of pairings! Now I have the pleasure of listing them for you. InuKik, KouAya, RyuMim, EdWin, RoyRiz, CloAer and TidYun. Most of you probablydon't agree with most of those pairings, but you should read on anyway. All of the people listed abovewith the addition of Al,Cougar, Kazuma,Sesshomaru, and a surprise guest, will be mixed and matched with each other. Trust me, they won't be with thesame people all the time.

**Chapter One…Arrival **

**Group One…the Extravagant Suite **

Ryuhou, Mimori, Kazuma, and Cougar stepped out of their rental car and started walking towards the check-in at the resort for their reservations.

"Hey Minori-san, looks like your shorts are riding up your ass. Need help getting them down?" Cougar innocently asked a horror-struck Mimori.

"Mimori desu. AND EXCUSE YOU, BASTARD!" she screamed at him. Kazuma snickered. Ryuhou apparently didn't notice, or decided not to. They finally made their way into the lobby of the 5-star hotel they were planning on staying in.

"Good afternoon, we reserved two rooms here under the name of HOLY." Ryuhou stated matter-of-factly to the desk clerk.

"Excuse me? Holy? As in God! TERRORISTS!" Just then, a group of Muslims walked in, heard the remark, and quickly left to find a different, less racist hotel to stay in. **(A/N: we're Muslim, so don't think we're bashing or anything…it's just a stupid joke dammit, PUT DOWN THE EXPLOSIVES!) **

"No. Not in the name of God…as in under the name of the _organization_ HOLD/HOLY."

"Oh." the clerk started searching through the reservations, "no, you guys don't have a reservation."

"YOU'RE SO MEAN!" Mimori cried and ran, sobbing, into the men's bathroom. Noticing her mistake, she ran back out and into the ladies' room.

"Okaaaay…" a confused Kazuma said slowly. "Talk about hormones…"

"Maybe I should go comfort her…" Cougar thought aloud.

"NO!" Kazuma and Ryuhou screamed in unison. By this time, the desk clerk looked horribly confused and slightly hysterical.

"So," he continued in a mock-cheery voice, "you don't have a reservation. Sorry. Buuuut, I know of a Motel-5 across the street with a less-than-acceptable suit you can stay in."

"Don't you mean suite?" Kazuma asked, more confused than ever.

"NO! I never finished grad school, so sue me." The clerk replied looking close to tears.

"Okaaay…" Just then, Mimori walked out of the ladies' room with a burger and drink in hand.

"Where the hell did you get that?" Kazuma asked her. This was just not his day…

"Ummmm…Barney gave it to me."

"Hey, don't trust that purple dinosaur," Ryuhou warned, "last time I asked that guy for some cola, he gave me some spiked juice." Mimori stared at him for a while, before the desk clerk interrupted.

"You guys need to get out of here, we got some more customers. Oh, and the owners of the Motel-5 are an elderly couple who happen to stay in a beautiful, rather large suit…here."

"You mean suite…" Kazuma noted, making the clerk break down in tears, sending him to the men's restroom to recuperate.

Taking this grand opportunity, Cougar yelled after him, "can you get me a McFlurry and double cheeseburger while you're in there?"

"Hey guys…" Mimori whispered eagerly. "If the owners of the Motel-5 are staying here and about to croak, we might as well speed up the process. Then, we can steal their room!" Everyone stared at her in disbelief.

"Well I'm game." Kazuma replied to her inquiry. Ryuhou nodded in agreement.

"CAN'T TOUCH THIS!" Cougar screamed loudly, alarming everyone else in the lobby.

"I'll take that as a yes…" Mimori noted, and the three set off to find the extravagant suite, leaving a dancing Cougar in the lobby.

**Group Two… "DIE!" **

Inuyasha, Kikyou, Kouga, Ayame, and Sesshomaru rolled out of Inuyasha's pimpin' minivan. Yes, they rolled. Literally.

"Dude, I feel like a soccer mom…" Kouga said, stepping out of the driver's seat. If you're wondering why Inuyasha isn't driving his car, it's because he was too busy supervising the others. He's very protective of his baby.

"Speak for yourself. I feel like a soccer _ball…_" Ayame responded after rolling in the trunk for five hours straight. Inuyasha had thrown her back there after she dropped a few crumbs on his hott leather seats. Like we said, protective…

"Shut up. Let's just go in for the goddamn reservations." Sesshomaru impatiently commanded. The four set off to enter the lobby, while Inuyasha stayed behind, eyeing every inch of his car for a scratch.

They approached a devastated looking desk clerk, a box of tissues at hand. No one bothered to ask what the hell was the matter with him…no one seemed to care anyway.

"Give us our reservations!" an agitated Kikyou forced, "Please?" she added as an afterthought. This caused the desk clerk to sniffle.

"Under what name?" he asked, rather hesitantly.

"Half-demon-dog-breath-who-is-destined-to-be-exiled-from-the-family-honor-and-restrained-from-eating-biscuits-that-are-good-but-not-for-him," she replied, while Sesshomaru smirked in agreement. It was lucky for them Inuyasha turned up as soon as she had finished talking.

"Half-demon?" the clerk responded, wide-eyed. "WHAT'S WITH ALL THE TERRORISTS!" Kikyou pulled out her bow and arrow and aimed at the desk clerk.

"I mean…right away ma'am," he said quickly, afraid of the possible consequences if he denied.

"She's still a little touchy after that…incident…" Ayame informed the poor man. Kikyou turned her aim to Inuyasha.

"DIE INUYASHA!" she screamed, her face turning pink from anger.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU REMIND HER YOU IDIOT!" Inuyasha asked Ayame, who had joined Sesshomaru and Kouga on the couch, a bowl of popcorn in her hands. Inuyasha and Kikyou glared at the three.

"Ummm…anyway…you guys don't have a reservation…" the clerk spat out before diving under the counter to avoid certain death.

"What the hell!" Inuyasha yelled.

"B-but t-there is a Motel-5 across the street…" the clerk suggested, standing back up, "the owners are currently staying at a suit here…you can go talk to them about it."

"Ummmm…don't you mean suite?" Kouga asked innocently. At this the man ran back into the men's restroom. "Ummmm…did I say something?" The others merely stared at him, just as confused as he was.

"Well, I say we get rid of the goddamn bastards running the Motel-5 and steal their room," Inuyasha said bluntly.

"Whatever. As long as we stay somewhere…" Ayame replied. Kouga and Sesshomaru agreed as well.

"Kikyou?" Inuyasha asked.

"DIE!"

"Okaay then…so it's settled!" The five set off to destroy the owners of the Motel-5 and steal their beautiful suite…or as our friend the desk clerk would say…suit.

Group Three…Bottled up Anger 

Edward, Alphonse, Winry, Roy, and Riza jumped out of Roy's new Mustang convertible… **(A/N: see the pun here? HAHAHAHAHAHA…okay sorry. We've had a bit too much sake. cough JOKING JOKING. No sake…sadly)** and walked into the lobby of a magnificent hotel.

"Wow…this place is kinky." Roy said, studying the lobby.

"What the hell? Kinky?" Riza asked, dumbfounded.

"Whatever…" Winry said, agitated. All the way to the hotel, Riza and Roy had been arguing and fighting about the most useless things ever, including a jar of peanut butter, plastic fighting umbrellas, and purple, albino hippos. Yes, we are just as confused as you are…

"Hurry up all ready," Ed commanded impatiently.

"Brother…remember what the doctor told you…no yelling. If you want to get rid of bottled up anger, we can buy you ice cream to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside! And POOF! No more anger!" Al suggested. Ed sweatdropped, and everyone else stared at Al. "I'M ONLY TRYING TO HELP!" Al wailed.

"Anyway…" Winry started, walking up to the clerk who seemed to have puffy, red eyes. _Has he been crying? What a baby…_ Winry thought to herself as she proceeded to verify their reservation.

"Hi!" she said cheerfully, hoping the man would lighten up. "We have three rooms reserved under the name of pipsqueak."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE CAN'T BE SEEN OVER A PILE OF ROY'S PAPERWORK!" Ed screamed in the background.

"Ummm…Ed? _No one_ can be seen over Roy's paperwork…" Riza commented. Roy glared at her.

"Okay, well do you have the reservations?" Winry proceeded to interrogate the clerk, who seemed to be getting more and more nervous by the second. He hurriedly shifted through his papers, hoping this woman didn't carry a bow and arrow.

"No, I'm sorry, you five don't seem to have a room," he quickly picked up a stack of papers shielding his face, hoping she didn't have a gun. Unfortunately for him, the other woman did. She pulled it out and aimed it at him.

"Give us another room. NOW!" Riza yelled, losing her patience.

"_Now_ who has all the bottled up anger!" Ed snickered…as quietly as possible so that she wouldn't hear him. Lucky for him, she didn't. The clerk started shaking violently at the thought of losing his head…and job.

"T-T-There i-is an-another hotel ac-cross the s-street from here," he managed to spit out, still shaking, "t-the o-owners are s-staying here in one of our s-suits…s-so you have t-to go find th-them."

"Ummm…don't you mean suites?" Al inquired.

"WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE AGAINST GRAD SCHOOL DROPOUTS!" he screamed and threw his paperwork at the five, wailing in another clerk's arms."

"….the hell?" Ed questioned.

"What a little baby! He doesn't have his mom here so he grabs another clerk? He doesn't know what it's like to live without your mommy while growing up!" Winry sobbed while Al tried to comfort her to no avail. Ed started twitching at the sudden contact between Al and Winry. Roy, clearly amused by all the commotion, tried to hide his laughter, while Riza glared at him for being so insensitive.

"What are you crying about! WE LOST OUR PARENTS TOO!" Ed screamed, almost in tears himself. At this, Roy positively burst with laughter. Al scooted himself and Winry over and put another arm around his brother, tears in his eyes as well.

"WELL I LOST MINE FIRST!" Winry yelled back, spitting on Al in the process. Al, seeing as this would start another huge argument, split the two apart. Eventually, it led to Ed and Winry having a time-out for improper use of bottled up anger and wrench.

Finally, after everyone was on good terms again, Al came up with an idea.

"Nii-san, why don't we kindly ask the couple in charge of the hotel if we may use their suite?" Al asked Ed, who just stared back.

"Ummmm…how about we just jack them off and _take_ their sweet."

"HOW DIRTY!" Winry screamed.

"NO, NOT THAT WAY!" Ed yelled defensively. And thus, this led to a second time-out. Eventually, the five decided to go with Ed's plan, because it was far more interesting than Al's. Before they left, however, they shoved Ed and Winry in a closet together, as further punishment for releasing their bottled up anger and wrenches.

"We'll come back for them later…" Roy said as they set off.

Group Four…A Taser for your Thoughts? 

Cloud, Aeris, Tidus, and Yuna all climbed off the private jet they 'borrowed' from the guy from the lance commercial to enter a high-class hotel.

"That was AWESOME!" Cloud exclaimed happily, "WE WERE FLYING THROUGH DA CLOUDZ!" Aeris, afraid he'd burst with joy, tasered him and continued walking. The three (Cloud was still stunned) walked into the lobby of the hotel and up to the desk clerk. The desk clerk looked as if someone had just tasered him as well…he sat on his desk, yes, ON, sucking his thumb and mumbling to himself in a fetal position.

Unsure of how to approach him, the three decided to have Cloud talk to him.

"Ummm…hi. Do you have our reservations?" Cloud asked, rather hesitantly.

"Heehee hic reservations? Under what hic name?"

Cloud stared at the man unsurely… "Ummm…Tifa-has-a-bigger-rack-than-Aeris-but-I-seem-to-be-dating-her-anyway." Aeris tasered Cloud yet again, and proceeded to finish talking to the clerk in his place.

"At least your trunk isn't as chunky as Yuna's," Tidus remarked, trying to make Aeris feel better. Apparently he didn't consider how Yuna would take this, as she whipped out her hair spray **(A/N: how else does she maintain her hair? …trust Akuhei, she knows…)**, pointing the nozzle menacingly at him. He shut up instantly.

"Anyway," Aeris continued, stepping on Cloud's face as she walked nearer to the clerk, "do you have our reservations? We ordered two rooms."

"What is it with you people lying to me! NO ONE TODAY HAS ACTUALLY RESERVED A ROOM!" the clerk yelled, finally losing patience.

"No…we reserved two," Tidus replied proudly, not catching how stupid he must sound. Everyone stared at him for a moment.

"Ummm…well could you give us a room then?" Yuna asked.

"No, could you give us TWO rooms?" Tidus corrected her. Yuna sprayed him in the eyes and he fell screaming. The clerk leaned over to get a better look at the two men twitching uncontrollably on the floor. Suddenly he came back to his senses.

"Oh, we don't have any more rooms, but the Motel-5 across the street has one you could sleep in. You have to find the owners, though. They have a suit here." The clerk said.

"Don't you mean suite?" Cloud asked, finally getting up. The clerk ran from his desk, whipping out his blanky while sucking his thumb.

"I QUIT!" He screamed. Everyone stared after him.

"What's with him?" Tidus asked, also standing.

"Well, I say we go interrogate the owners of the hotel and FORCE them to give up their rooms," said Yuna, pulling out her hairspray again. And so the four set off, Tidus and Cloud only following in order not to get tasered and/or sprayed in the eyes again…

**Author's Note: **We already have the next 10 chapters written, but please comment to let us know what you think. We need to know whether we should bother posting up any more. Flames are welcome but only with a good explanation behind them. We are looking for awesome reviews and constructive criticism!


	2. Don't You Mean Suite?

**Disclaimer: **We don't own any of the animes or games...blah blah blah. You know. Okay.

**Author's Note: **Chapter Two of our horribly wierd parody. Thanks for all your reviews! But...we won't post any more unless you tell us you like this chapter... Just so you guys know, some of the characters are very, and we mean VERY, OOC. Please don't be offended if you like those characters...okay? Good.

**Reviews from awesome People hugs:  
ILuvTrunksChan:** You're awesome. Heehee. That's about it. glomps  
**evilchik:** we're updating! Aren't you happy? Thanks for the review!  
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**C.D.:** Hooray for anonymous reviews! Yes, Kawaii loves Cloud too. It's something about those blond-haired bishies. Thanks a lot for the review!

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**Chapter Two…Don't you mean suite?**

As all four groups headed off to plot the demise of the innocent Motel-5 owners **(A/N: Never, under any circumstances, consider owning a Motel-5)**, none of them noticed that they were all walking together. They just assumed that the others were random losers staying at this hotel. It was only when Kazuma screamed, "WHERE ARE THOSE DAMN OWNERS! HOW DO WE GET THE SUIT IF WE CAN'T FIND THEM!" that every head turned his way.

"Don't you mean suite?" Tidus asked.

"…THE HELL!" Ed screamed. "THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE TRYING TO KILL – er…I mean…ummm…"

"…jack off the suite from the owners?" Winry finished for Ed, obviously mocking him.

"EWWW!" half of the crowd screamed.

"NO, NOT THAT WAY!" Ed screamed defensively, yet again.

"Wait, how'd you two get out of that closet?" Roy asked them, stupefied. Everyone looked suspicious…at the thought of these two idiots talking about jacking people off, stuck in a closet together.

"We turned the doorknob…figuring you'd be too stupid to lock it. And I guess we were right…" Winry said. Roy gave her a vicious glare.

"Ummm…okaaaaaay…we might as well try to find them together I guess," Mimori suggested, only to receive many glares.

"I say, EVERY SHORTIE FOR HIMSELF, yo!" Inuyasha said. All heads turned his way.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HIS VOICE SOUNDS SO HIGH THAT EVERYONE ASSUMES HE'S A GIRL!" Ed yelled menacingly.

"Well, the braid certainly doesn't help your situation…" Sesshomaru commented.

"WELL YOUR HAIR'S SO LONG IT'S RIDING UP YOUR ASS!" Ed shrieked, angrier than ever.

"You're right…need help with that?" Cougar asked, grinning. Mimori smacked him.

"I'LL HAPPILY HELP WITH THAT!" Tidus said eagerly. Everyone stared at him. Yuna pulled out her hairspray.

"Are you gay?" Al asked shyly.

"No. He's tri." Yuna replied.

"What?" Riza exclaimed.

"Yeah. Men, women, and dogs." At this Inuyasha and Sesshomaru grew very uneasy.

"Whatever. We're just wasting time. Let's go DAMMIT." Kouga said, finally losing patience.

"Fine…" everyone else mumbled as they started walking on.

"Uhh…where're we going?" Roy asked. Everyone stopped.

"Who cares?" Cloud said as he continued, grabbing Aeris by the hand, as he skipped merrily along. She tasered him again, and left him to get run over as she and Yuna walked on. Everyone else, ignoring Roy's question, followed.

Eventually, they found the extravagant suite. Mainly because it was labeled as the "Extravagant Suite." They decided only two, well educated people should go in and talk with the owners, while one other snuck behind them to go for the kill. In the end, they agreed to send Ryuhou and Mimori, and Riza and Kikyou to get rid of them. It was only supposed to be one, but Inuyasha decided it was time for Kikyou to let her anger out on someone else. Al had suggested buying ice cream, but was quickly shut up by Ed, yelling about not having bottled up anger.

Mimori and Ryuhou walked in…

**18.43 Seconds… **

"Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Motel-5 owners. We're sorry we don't know you by any other name." Ryuhou began.

"But a rose by any other name would smell as sweet!" Mimori added, making the couple feel happier.

"Awww…" the elderly woman said, "is this your girlfriend, dear?" At this, Ryuhou turned scarlet, almost blending in with his crimson eyes. Mimori tried fighting back fits of laughter as she saw the usually cold-hearted Ryuhou show emotions.

"N-no…we're just coworkers." Ryuhou replied. Mimori had the urge to slap him for that. They had been childhood friends, and he calls them COWORKERS! But right now, she had to focus on the mission at hand. But later…heeheehee.

"Well children, what would you like from us?" the elderly man asked kindly. Mimori and Ryuhou almost felt sorry for the poor couple…but that didn't last very long, because at that moment they saw the actual beauty of the suit…no, suite…

"DIE!" One can only imagine who _that _was…

As an arrow pierced the back of the elderly man, they were horrified to find green goo oozing from his wounds.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Riza screamed as she observed. Suddenly, the elderly woman showed her true self! A GIANT SHEEP!

"MOOOOO!" came a cry from the sheep.

"Don't you me 'baaaa?'" asked Kikyou, confused. Suddenly, she remembered what she was really here for. "DIE!" Another arrow pierced the poor sheep. Riza, mad because she never got to shoot the elderly farm animals, decided to shoot Kikyou. Thusly, she died. For the third time. Ever. But it's okay, because she came back to life approximately 18.43 seconds later.

"Sorry about that…" Riza said as the woman came back to life, her shirt partly torn from the impact, exposing a little more than necessary, "that was only supposed to last 10 seconds…" The recently revived woman blushed and tried to cover herself up.

As the four exited the room, covered in green goo from the demon sheep, they couldn't help but notice Inuyasha swimming in a pile of drool almost instantly. Kikyou pulled out her arrows again, but quickly dropped them after noticing she uncovered the part of her outfit that she was trying so hard to cover. Being the gentleman that he was, Ryuhou offered her his jacket.

Not only did Inuyasha protest, but so did Mimori. They both grew red with embarrassment and/or jealousy and turned away from Ryuhou and Kikyou. Apparently neither of them noticed, or decided not to. The crowd could see the small love rectriangle forming between the four.

"Okay, can we go in or what?" said Yuna, losing patience.

"Fine." Sesshomaru stated for the entire group. Everyone started to run in.

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**Author's Note: **Keep the reviews coming if you want to find out what happens next! We don't wanna seem like we're threatening you...but we are. grins


	3. Authoresses' Rebellion!

**Disclaimer: **We don't own any of the animes/games or characters, savvy?

**Author's Note: **Sorry about the length of this chapter...but the next one will be longer. We promise! -grins- Oh, and don't forget that some of these characters are horribly OOC...if you're going to be offended, I suggest you don't read it.

**Reviews from people:  
evilchik: **Two reviews! Thanks a lot! We're glad you find the story hysterical. please keep your awesome reviews comin!  
**nightchild00: **Thanks so much! We're continuing! Are you happy? -grins-  
**Zenjin: **We appreciate your comments! We agree, the 'sit boy' gag would've been hysterical, but we want to refrain from bashing on Kagome, since Akuhei has a little something against her. o.O We are glad you suggested it though, because it may help us in future stories. -wink-  
**xsnowboarderx: **You're awesome! You reviewed both of the chapters! Again, with the Kagome/Kikyou dispute. Please read above. What were Ed and Winry doing in the closet? Well, we'll leave that up to you...  
**Bubbles:** We're glad you like most of the pairings! Thank you for being understanding about the InuKik pairing! That really makes Akuhei feel a lot better knowing that not everyone wants to bash Kikyou. -yay!- Sorry about the OOCness. We're going for the humor theme here. Btw, we are obsessive over those shows. hehe!

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Chapter Three…Authoresses' REBELLION!**

As everyone filed in an orderly fashion, as Al decided it would be fit, they couldn't help but gasp in horror. The whole room was full of sheep guts and green goo!

"Roy, clean it up," Riza commanded, pointing her gun at him.

"Me? Why me!" he asked disapprovingly. It was then that Riza fired at the ceiling, proving that she wasn't out of bullets. Roy got to work after that, afraid his brains would be blasted out.

While Roy and Riza were having their little fun…actually Riza was having the fun since she was the one possessing the gun, the others wandered around the suite.

"Uhhh…guys. We have a little problem here..." Ayame started, but was cut off by Kouga.

"Shit! There's only one f--kin' bed in this whole damn suite!" All the girls gasped in horror…while the guys grinned maliciously. They knew they were in for the time of their lives. "And just our luck…" he grinned, "it's King-sized." He winked…while the girls started approaching him with murderous looks in their eyes.

"What? If you girls wanna, go ahead and become lesbians, whatever! The more fun we'll have watching." Envy exclaimed.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Ed screamed.

"Shuddup, squeakie," Envy replied, smirking, "the goddamn authoresses couldn't put me anywhere during the first three chapters, so they stuck me here. F--king bitches…"

"Huh? After those damn authoresses finish writing this story, we are sooo bailing." Cloud smirked.

"Umm…yeah, we'll be leaving because they'll make us leave…it's _their_ story…" Mimori stated the obvious.

"Uh-oh! ….the hell! That means they can do anything they want with us too! They'll murder us, one by one! NOOOOOOOOOO! I want my mommy!" Ed fell to the ground twitching.

"We don't have mommies, YOU IDIOT! THEY DIED!" Winry screamed bursting into tears…yet again.

"What is with these women and hormones?" asked Kazuma, shaking his head.

"SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS AND GET BACK TO THE MAIN PLOT. YES, WE CAN DO WHATEVER THE HELL WE WANT WITH YOU. NOW DEAL WITH IT DAMMIT!" Kawaii Fantasy screamed at the little people, tired of their arguing.

"Hmmm…Kawaii, I think we should go with Ed's idea and kill them off, one by one…mwahahahaha! But, since they won't shut-up about us having control over their lives…we can do something even worse! But everyone must read on to find that out. Heehee!" Akuhei no Kyouwa laughed evilly (as her name states she is…). All the characters in the suite twitched and shut their mouths, returning to the main plot.

"Ummm…Envy? Where exactly did you _come_ from!" Aeris asked him, rather lost at the thought of it.

"Well…when a mommy and a daddy decide to have some fun…"

"BUT YOU'RE HOMUNCULI YOU PERVERT!" screamed Riza.

"STOP RUINING IT FOR THE PEOPLE!" Envy shouted back…"Fine! I jumped out of the mini-fridge, okay bitch? Now, could we go back to the real matter at hand? Who wants to f--k? I mean, er…sleep…in the bed…later…"

"I DO!" Tidus yelled eagerly. Everyone backed away rather quickly. And so the straw drawings began!

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**Author's Note: **Keep reviewing if you want to know what happens next!


	4. A Tale of Two Lovers

**Disclaimer:** We don't own any of the animes/games or characters, and if we did...then there would be problems... o.O

**Author's Note:**So it's just Kawaii here, I'm gonna update now! Oh, and Akuhei - you owe me for doing ALL of this myself! -sticks out tongue at Akuhei- I know it's been a while, so forgive us! This chapter...what can I say aboutthis? Let's just saythis is where things start getting...very...interesting. But, we havn't givenyou thebest part yet! Soif you want to read, just keepgiving us reviews and tell us how we're doing!-hopefully well- Enjoy!

**Reviews frompeople who bother to review and we LOVE them for it:**  
**Toriyamiyasha: **We're so glad you thought it was funny! Thanks for the review!  
**naomi-chan: **We're updating! We hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the others...please keep writing to us! It makes us feel oh-so-loved.  
**anythingrandom: **Hahahahahaha you seem to have enjoyed it a lot! That makes us soo happy! Well, here are the strawdrawings! Be sure to tell us what you think.-grin-  
**evilchik: **Is this the third time you've reviewed! o.O We love you! -glomps- Yes, we loveEnvy soo much!He'll play a rather funny role in the story, so keep reading and tell us how we're doing!  
**Star:**It makes us so happy knowing that you thought it was funny!We just hope you think this one'sas funny as the others have been...just write and tellus what you think!  
**death88: **Random firing of automatic weapons? Eeek! I don't think we have much of that...but we promise you it'll be hysterical!There might not be weapons...but I never said other things wouldn't be thrown at our lovely characters. -wink-  
**Andersonfanandadmirer: **Hahahahah! It violates all things we had sacred in our minds...but we've totally lost it so it's okay. We're glad you don't hate us for making these shows more...interesting...XD  
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**FireclawElf: **By all means, you don't have to read all of it! It'sjust a funny parody - we hope you'll continue reading it if you think it'shysterical! But if you don't...we won'thateyou for it...to much... -grin-

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**Chapter Four…A Tale of Two Lovers**

It worked out this way…the people sleeping on the couch drew the shortest straws…they consisted of the following: Kouga, Riza, Al, Ayame, and Winry. They weren't all too happy about that…Next came the ones with the middle-sized straws. They got the floor…which they weren't too happy about either… This included: Ed, Envy, Roy, Cloud, Yuna, Tidus, and Aeris. And the longest straw-drawers got the bed, and they happened to be quite content with their fluffy bed. THEY WERE JUUST RIGHT! **(A/N: Goldilocks and The Three Bears…okay?)** Finally, Sesshomaru, Inuyasha, Kikyou, Kazuma, Cougar, Mimori, and Ryuhou drew their straws.

Now, as anyone would expect, absolutely no one was too happy about this setup. That is, no one except Cloud, Aeris, Tidus, and Yuna, who were all very excited about sleeping on the floor together.

As you may have noticed…Ed, Envy, and Roy had the pleasure of sharing the floor with each other as well…yeah, you know how that'll work out. But hey, _they_ came up with the idea for the straws…

"NO WAY IN HELL AM I SLEEPING WITH YOU TWO!" an extremely put-out Edward yelled as loud as he could to Envy and Roy.

"Well, _I'm_ okay with it…" Envy replied calmly.

"Umm…you wear miniskirts and tube-tops, Envy…You're basically gender-confused. Someone like you wouldn't mind sleeping with a sheep." Roy stated grumpily as he lay out the sleeping bags. They magically appeared. From the same mini-fridge Envy appeared from. Honestly.

Things weren't looking too well with Sesshomaru and Inuyasha, and Kazuma and Ryuhou. For one, Sesshomaru and Inuyasha were brothers…I mean, _half_-brothers. And of course, they hated each other with a passion since Sesshomaru wouldn't accept his half-brother because of his craving for pickled mayonnaise.

Ryuhou and Kazuma on the other hand were too busy fighting about how radical their Alters were. They'd sadly engage in battle every now and then, singeing everyone's hair in the process as well as ripping off random items of clothing, which was of course entirely by accident…or so it would seem…

"Just keep your filthy hands OFF my woman, Sesshy," Inuyasha commanded, grabbing Kikyou as he spoke.

"How dare you call this Sesshomaru 'Sesshy' in public, you F-----G BASTARD!" he yelled back.

"In all honesty, I don't wanna be touched by either of you…you're such dogs!" Kikyou exclaimed rather petrified, since Inuyasha started groping her.

"I thought that was Miroku's job?" Sesshomaru asked Inuyasha…after eyeing the 'indecency.'

"He's not here. So I don't give a damn." Inuyasha replied promptly.

Somehow managing to fit on another part of the bed, Mimori, Ryuhou, Kazuma, and Cougar were busily fighting over Mimori.

"Hey, Minori-san, I've got 10 bucks…and a camera…" Cougar said, winking. Mimori turned beet red and looked ready to smack the man silly. Ryuhou didn't notice, or rather…decided not to.

"ARE YOU GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS PERVERT!" Mimori scolded him. She was rather upset that this was the second time in one day he didn't do anything about Cougar.

"Don't worry Mimori…you can come here and _I'll_ do something about it," Kazuma said, grinning slightly, patting the unusually large empty area next to him. Mimori, seeing as Ryuhou was a total bastard, decided to pay him back for calling her just a 'coworker.' She crawled over to Kazuma and sat herself down, rather comfortably, next to him, resting her head on his shoulder as she did so. Ryuhou turned around…and decided to notice this time.

"MIMORI! I mean…Kiryu-san…er…sama…I…uh…" he stopped short, deciding that this wasn't the time to tell her how much he loved her, even though it was so obvious for everyone else to see.

"What do you want, fellow coworker?" she asked in a monotone voice. He turned around again…trying not to care. Even though he did. Obviously.

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**Author's Note: **If you wanna find out what happens next -and trust us, you definitely do...it's going to get rather...chaotic- keep telling us what you think! We'd love to get tons of reviews telling us if you guys are enjoying our story! 


	5. Sugar

**Disclaimer: **We don't own any of the animes or games...blah blah blah. whoopdeedoo.

**Author's Note: **So yes. It's a short chapter...but we feel rather unloved due to the lack of reviews. -sniffs- And don't expect an update for a week...Kawaii's going on vacation and Akuhei haswork...and is far too lazy to update.Buuuut...if you leave some nice reviews, that might just change.

**Reviews from Loyal Reviewers:  
evilchik: **Noo! Don't kill Roy just yet! Or...you won't be able to see whats in store after we're done with this! -hint hint- Oh, and Kawaii would sleep with pepper spray. Those damn perverts... -sighs- hahaha thanks so much for the review!  
**CrimsonColoredPencil: **We're glad you thought it was hysterical! Thanks so much!  
**Ryu: **You really think this is the best story you've ever read! We're soo happy! -glomps-  
**Diverse-Thinker: **Thanks for telling us we're gifted! We feel oh-so-loved...really. Thanks for the plastic smiles, too!

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**Chapter Five…Sugar**

Up on the couch, Al and Winry were having a better time than expected. Winry, having finally realized how sweet and sensitive Al really was, and how pissed off Ed would get if she did this, moved closer to him and let her put his arm around her shoulder.

Just as planned, Ed turned around as soon as he saw them 'snuggling' and turned a rather violent shade of purple. Roy and Envy, noticing this, asked him what the hell was the matter with him.

"I…uh…ummmm…THEY'RE NOT USING PROTECTION!" Ed screamed…at least coming up with _something…_

"WTF!" Roy yelled, rather loudly.

"I'll be back in a sec…" Ed called as he ran off to the kitchen.

"He means he'll BRB…" Roy said, stating the obvious, only to receive a smack from Envy.

Opening the cabinet under the sink, he hurriedly searched for something…Listerine strips…detergent…latex gloves… Wait, latex gloves? He looked both ways before grabbing them and stuffing them down his shirt, with shifty eyes…along with Listerine. Hey, they're tasty. He also resorted to grabbing a couple of trash-bags. Running back to the two on the couch, he pulled out the assortment of items from his shirt.

"Here," he said pulling out the Listerine, "oh, wait…that's mine. Nevermind. Here," he said, handing them the box of latex gloves, "hugging can get very…er…dirty…so use these wisely." He ran away as fast as he could, forgetting to give them the trash-bags.

"Oh yeah," he said, sprinting back, "don't forget these…" Al and Winry simply gaped at Ed…what the hell was wrong with him! Heeheehee…Winry's plan was working out perfectly. As was Mimori's…

"Hey, Mimori? Why is that bean yelling about latex gloves? Hmmm…we might need some of those for later…if you know what I mean." Kazuma slyly suggested.

"I HEARD THAT! JUST BECAUSE I'M CONCERNED FOR THE WELL BEING OF MY PEERS, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M OVERREATING BECAUSE AL IS PLAYING AROUND WITH HER!...WAIT! DID YOU JUST CALL ME A BEAN!"

"Anyway…" Kazuma started again, "about those gloves…Ryuhou, wanna go fetch some for us?" Ryuhou turned an even darker shade of purple then Ed did…and reluctantly got up to get some gloves…he decided not to seem too obvious, even though it was obvious for everyone else to see. Obviously.

"Ummm…excuse me, Mr. Alphonse and Ms. Winry, may I be so bold to ask for a cup of sugar…er…latex gloves." Ryuhou stuttered.

"EWW YOU PERVERT!" Winry screamed.

"I don't get it…" Al said naively.

"It's okay, dear," Winry said, putting her arms around him lovingly. She could see Ed, out of the corner of her eye, running into the bathroom, crying like a little schoolgirl… Heeheehee.

"So…about that sugar…I MEAN…uhhh…latex gloves." Al happily handed him the box, since they weren't going to use them anytime soon. Ryuhou walked back as slowly as possible…trying to avoid eye contact with anyone walking past him.

He thrust the gloves into Kazuma's hand and turned back around…pretending not to care. Even though he did. Obviously.

Suddenly, the lights went out. A SCREAM IN THE NIGHT.

"GO TO SLEEP, BITCHES!" Inuyasha obnoxiously forced. Reluctantly, everyone headed towards their assigned areas.

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**Author's Note: **Since all of you are probably aware of how unloved we feel...we're not going to update unless we get 10 reviews. I know that may sound evil and conceited, but we worked really hard on this and we feel that a lot of people don't appreciate it. Thanks so much to those people who actually take the time to review. We love you all! take this as a threat to those who don't -evil smirk- -all happy now!- 


	6. Delectable Desserts

**Disclaimer: **We do not own anything...nothing...it's so sad.

**Author's Note: **It's me, Akuhei, all by myself. I actually found time to update after a long day of work. I hate hospitals...oh! Back to the real topic at and here. I said I'd update after 10 reviews, so here I am. Actually, there are only 9, considering someone reviewed twice (which we like!), but oh well. **Just a little note:** Although we appreciate your idea of what to put next in our story, we have already finished it. We still want input from you though! It can be really helpful in future stories -hint hint- haha!

**Reviews! You guys rock:  
xsnowboaderx: **Yay! It's you again! We always love getting reviews from you. Thanks a bunch!  
**nightchild00: **We're glad you like it! We know how friends can be...they don't appreciate good fanfictions -grins- who knows though, they might change their minds -wink-  
**Fluffy-sama: **haha! Yes, Roy is the preverted one, but for the sake of parodies, Kazuma must be too. WE're so glad you like it so far! Keep on reading! (don't worry...Akuhei -me- can't spell either)  
**Andersonfanandadmirer: **Yes, we are very violent people. -smirks- the response to your question is: The couch is one of those huge round things that you find at really expensive hotels. They are so cool! Sorry we didn't specify before. And for this parody, Al has his body. Otherwise, Winry can't use him to makeEd jealous.-evil grin- heehee!Your idea was excellent, but please read 'Just a little note'. Eurotrip was a very...interestingmovie. haha!  
**evilchik:**Breathe! We don't want you to die! We will be sure to let Royknow about your threat.  
-ponders to herself- I hope we didn't make him insult Envy again...uh oh...-end pondering- We feel bad for Ed too...but for the sake of humor, oh well! I'm sad to say that the pepper spray won't be happening (read 'Just a little note') but it doesn't mean that it'll never happen in one of our stories  
-hint hint-  
**Kaaaaaaaaaaatie: **If you haven't noticed, we are interesting people. lol! I don't know what we did to Inuyasha...poor thing, and we are very much confused with Ed as well. She is having a great time...damn her...I know this since she calls me every night. hahaha! Love you lots! (Kawaii does too!)-glomps- mwahahaha! (_personal note_: omg...my parents think I'm a demon child. You have to see me with my Yuna hair straightened with eyeliner on. I'm a demoness, and I'm damn proud! lmao!)  
**Kitty: **Why thank you! We're glad you think that. omg...I'm obsessed with those pairings. They are meant for each other. -wink- And Inuyasha...yeah...he's special. Thanks for your review!  
**Schimmy: **Please don't hate us about Winry. Just remember that Envy is there to make everything better -grins-  
**Hezashi: **Thanks so much! We are really overjoyed by that comment. It makes us feel like we actually are funny and not some random pathetic losers trying to be.

**

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Chapter Six…Delectable Desserts**

The next morning…everyone was woken up by a rather unpleasant cheesecake being chucked through the window, and on to Ed's head. Envy picked up the pie, seeing as Ed was rendered unconscious by misuse of delectable dessert. He looked at it…and bit into it…and gagged. It was spiked with sake!

"DAMN BARNEY!" Envy droned as the room started to spin.

"I want a piece of _that_!" Tidus said, standing up. Everyone looked at him. "Ummm…I was talking about the…er…cheesecake. Yeah, that's it." Choosing to ignore this whole conversation, everyone but Al and Winry turned around and went back to doing whatever the hell they were doing. Hey, wait…where _are_ Al and Winry?

Riza, sitting on the couch watching boring Armanian, no, NOT Romanian, soap operas, was interrupted by Kouga.

"Hey," he said casually…but failing to sound happy, since Ayame had disappeared and he was too lazy to search for her.

"What do you want, bastard? You're interrupting my show." She glared, not looking at him.

"Can I watch you? I mean…er…whatever it is you're watching?" Riza looked up, raising an eyebrow.

_Well…Roy _is_ getting boring…so this could be the perfect time to add some hot sauce to my taco…POW! _She moved over a bit, making room for the blundering fool. Kouga sat, proceeding to stare at her chest while she busied herself in watching the soap opera.

"So what's going on anyway?" he asked, trying not to sound desperate.

"Well…Renaldo is distraught for being entangled in a plethora of…" at this, Kouga drowned her out…still staring at everything BUT the TV. She finished and turned to him, "did you get that?"

"Huh?" he said, looking back up. She glared at him…

"Enjoying my bosoms?" she asked him, eyebrow raised.

"Err…how big are you? …IN…studying archeology?" he asked, stupidly. Riza thought for a moment…

"Let's go outside for some fresh air…" she said, a slight smirk in her voice. After, the two weren't seen for hours…picking flowers! Yes, of course…and it rhymed!

Aeris walked around, in search of Cloud. She had nothing better to do, and spending a few hours with him wouldn't be that bad…until she opened the door leading to the laundry room.

"CLOUD! YUNA! WHAT THE HELL!" she screamed as she saw Cloud and Yuna…you know…engaging in activities that of which include…hugging…sure…let's go with that…

"OH MY HOLY…no NOT the organization…YOU GUYS DIDN'T USE THE LATEX GLOVES!" Suddenly, Tidus conveniently walked in. Seeing the two in a loving embrace…sure…lets go with that…he gasped in horror.

"YUNA! YOU STOLE MY MAN!" At this, Aeris beat Tidus to a bloody pulp…

"Wanna join us?" Cloud asked Aeris.

"Okay," she said cheerfully. Tidus, left by himself…went off to find something else to amuse him.

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**Author's Note: **You'll be getting another update pretty soon. Just keep those reviews coming! Let's see if we can do better than this time. It'll be tough, butwe have faith in all of you!


	7. Attack of the Sparkles!

**Disclaimer: **yeah, yeah...we don't own anything...blah blah...good enough?

**Author's Note: **Hey, it's Akuhei here. Kawaii and I haven't been able to get together recently since we've been occupied by going to Walmart...don't ask. So I'm here giving you another chapter of our randomness. Enjoy!

**Reviewers:  
Hezashi: **I'm so happy you liked it. The last part was just really random, don't you think? o.O  
**Kitty: **I agree. Barney is evil, but he makes our story even funnier. I'm glad that you can laugh through the whole thing. Just make sure you don't fall out of your chair and get a concussion or something...that'll be bad O.O Plus, we want you to be able to finish reading it!  
**xsnowboarderx: **Very clever. At least we have once less person to convince in our 'Act against Barney and his evil cheesecake' movement. Here's another chapter for you! Thanks a bunch!  
**evilchik: **How horrible! I do agree. Tsk tsk on Cloud and Yuna. Poor Kouga...why must he be so preverse. haha! I'm glad the whole Tidus is sick thing is working out. That's what we've been trying to go for. Thank you for the review!  
**Scar vs State: **All hail low cut socks! I can't live without them. I'm so happy you enjoyed it. We're making the world happier by our insanely drunken writing. hehe. And here is a new chappie!**

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Chapter Seven…Attack of the Sparkles!

Inuyasha, seeing as Sesshy forcibly stole Kikyou…as he wanted to think…and shared some cheesecake with her, was left sitting all alone. Suddenly he saw Tidus approaching him, and jumped a bit, remembering he was tri.

"So," said Tidus, "you're alone too?" Inuyasha glared and said nothing. "So..." he continued, "you wanna?" Inuyasha twitched.

"PERVERT!" he screamed, as he started running, Tidus at his heels.

"NO! I meant…uh…do you wanna…er…join Riza and Kouga in picking flowers!" he yelled after him.

Ed…devastated, alone, and confused due to the cheesecake incident, decided to go for a walk…seeing as his 'peers' had abandoned him. Wanting to make a phone call to order some pizza, he headed towards the phone booth, which was conveniently located 6 and a half feet away from the laundry room. When he opened the door, he was horrified to find Winry and Al, doing what…everyone else was doing…yeah…lets go with that…

"WHAT THE F--K!" he screamed. Winry and Al, too engrossed to hear him, merely continued…what…everyone else was doing…lets go with that…Ed threw a tantrum…but was forcibly calmed down by none other than Alex Louis Armstrong, appearing by magic and wearing a fluffy, pink tutu, sparkles flying everywhere.

"AH! MY EYE! YOUR STUPID SPARKLES HIT MY DAMN EYE!" Ed wailed in pain…Armstrong, noticing his blunder, disappeared with another poof of pink fairy dust. _WTF was that all about?_ he asked himself. Before he could smack Al upside the head to get his attention, the phone started ringing. Ed, seeing as Al and Winry were obviously too busy to pick it up, grabbed it.

"Hello?"

"Is your refrigerator running?"

"I don't have a refrigerator…"

"WELL YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT!"

"…the hell! I DON'T HAVE A REFRIGERATOR!"

"HAHAHAHA Fullmetal twerp!"

"ENVY!"

"I hear Al and Winry are going third base…heehee"

"SHUDDUP! THEY'RE NOT…yet…"

"Well…I could change into Winry if you really wanted…unless…it's your brother you want…"

"FRUITCAKE!" he screamed into the phone, hanging up angrily. Tidus suddenly ran in.

"DID SOMEONE SAY FRUITCAKE! I LOVE FRUITCAKE!"

"Oh my platform shoes…IT'S THE GAYWAD!" _What ever happened to that dog guy?_ With that thought, Ed ran. Fast.

Ryuhou, still upset because of Kazuma and Mimori's getting-along-ness, sat all by himself watching the soap opera Riza left on…before she mysteriously disappeared to go pick flowers…yeah…lets go with that… Ayame, seeing as he was alone, decided to go talk. Yes, just TALK.

Ryuhou greeted her warmly, happy for some companionship. But he was still upset. Obviously.

"I got tired of Kouga…he's really annoying," she stated.

"Affirmative…" he said. She gave him the _what the hell_ look. He shook his head and ignored it. The two sat and talked for a while…becoming rather good friends. Yes, only friends. We promise. Really. It was just Mimori's luck that she happened to interpret it the wrong way after eyeing them from the laundry room. She came up with another plan…to get Ryuhou back. She would annoy the hell out of Kazuma…to get him to dump her back to Ryuhou! It was BRILLIANT! Just as she was laughing maniacally, Cougar fell from the chandelier.

"Where the hell have you been all this time!" She asked him incredulously.

"I was hanging on the chandelier. You should've seen all the people that came in here!" He studied her with an uneasy glint in his eyes. She chose not to ask any more questions.

"So, what's with the maniacal laughter?" he continued.

"I'm plotting to annoy the hell out of Kazuma to get him to dump me back to Ryuhou.

"Can I help? Unless you want to engage in previous going-ons in this here laundry room…" Cougar winked and Mimori nervously decided to go with the first one.

"Fine. You can help." So, the two set to work.

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**Author's Note: **Well? What are your thoughts? We'd love to hear what you think, so review, review people! We might just have to go back to threatening -evil smirk- o.O 


	8. Sticky Notes and Plushies

**Disclaimer:** We don't own anything. We're broke. Please donate?

**Author's Note:** More insane-ness! Well, we're not in the mood to write too much right now...all our happiness has been drained out of watching episode 25 of FMA. -.- NO HUGHES! WHY! -sobs- okay sorry. Anyway, so yes. Here it is. Review please? -sniffs- -goes into a corner to cry some more-

**Reviewers from People who make us happy: **  
**death88: **I love your name, but MOVING ON. oh no...not the l33tness! -dies- ah well, we're getting better at it -wink- 7h4nk5 50 mu(h f0r 7h3 r3v13w!  
**Diverse-Thinker: **We're glad this story makes you happy...we could use that right about now -sniffage- Yes, you have reviewed before. hahahahaha. Thanks for the thought though, it made us so happy -smile-  
**ScarvsState: **Very much so ew. Those pigs... -sighs- They're hopeless. We're writing! Are you happy? -grin- TY for the review!  
**xsnowboarderx: **Okay, we'll say this first - WE'RE SORRY! -sobbing- No, we don't specify exactly _how_ Mimori annoys Kazuma...we kinda had to move the story along. DONT HURT US! -runs- But no, we considered adding it in, but decided it would make the story waaay longer than it needed to be -not that it needed to be this long anyway...- Once again - we're so sorry about that. Armstrong really needs to watch out with those sparkles of his...next time it may be more than just an eye.. -shifty eyes- hahahaha Thanks for the review - we appreciate it!   
**deadlybeautygoddess: **It makes us happy that you think we're doing a good job with this! We don't feel as stupid. Oh all the randomness... so much in this chapter... -sighs- TYSM for the review!  
**Hezashi: **Poor Ed...poooor Ed...we felt so bad when we were righting this. It killed us to see how tortured he was... -shakes head- And Tidus? He scares us more than make us feel sorry for him. Domo arigatou for the review! We loved it. -smile-

**

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**Chapter Eight…Sticky notes and Plushies**

That night, after everyone returned from doing…whatever it is they were…doing…they decided to all watch a movie together.

"How about Girls Gone Wild in Paris?" Roy suggested.

"PERVERT!" Riza threw one of the flowers she picked at him. Yes, she really _was_ picking flowers.

"Dead Poet's Society?" Ryuhou, being the classy little man he was, inquired, Mimori nodding in agreement.

"How about instead of watching a movie…we play Final Fantasy 10!" Tidus said enthusiastically.

"…the hell! No one wants to play your stupid video game!" Ed yelled. Tidus ran out of the room, crying. "Anyway, I say we watch Terminator."

"No…Gone with the Wind. It's quite a wonderful classic if I do say so myself," Sesshomaru stated, only to receive dumbfounded expressions from everyone else in the room.

"Uhhh…okay," Yuna said.

And so, our characters happily watched Gone with the Wind for a while…that is, until the penguins showed up.

About midway into the movie, they heard some commotion coming from the laundry room. Ed, hoping it wasn't Al and Winry, quickly started searching the room for them, only to find out they had gotten into a dispute. He sighed in sweet content…

Just then, a line of penguins emitted from the dryer. Everyone stared at them as they walked across the main room, where the movie was being played. They marched over Cloud, who had recently been tasered again by Aeris, and proceeded to stealing their bowl of popcorn and jumping out the window.

"What the f--k was that all about!" Inuyasha asked, stupefied, as he saw the penguins slowly fly into the night.

"Penguins don't fly…do they?" Al wondered aloud. Winry pat him on the back for being so naive, and saw Ed cringe. Heeheehee.

"Let us finish the film, shall we?" Sesshomaru proposed.

"Roy, go get some more popcorn," Riza demanded, pointing her gun in his direction, a flower in her hair. Roy left, without a word, while everyone continued watching the film of Sesshomaru's delight, Tidus having returned from his…episode…

The rest of the evening passed pleasantly enough, and soon the lights went out again. A SCREAM IN THE NIGHT.

"GO TO SLEEP, BITCHES!" someone yelled.

"DIE INUYASHA!" Kikyou screeched.

"It wasn't me this time!" Inuyasha pleaded, terrified of the woman possessing the arrows. Everyone went to sleep, without questioning.

The next morning, the group woke up to riots.

"WHO THE HELL COVERED US WITH STICKY NOTES!" Kouga blared with anger. Envy sneered in the corner of the room, completely sticky note free. Someone ripped off a sticky note and read it aloud.

"Ed…wants…Winry…" Ayame read. Ed turned fuchsia and transmuted himself into a plushie, to escape further embarrassment. Everyone stared at the little stuffed boy on the floor. Envy walked over, picked it up, and tossed it to Winry.

"He wants _you…_you fix him." Winry, feeling lazy, threw him on the bed and he was soon forgotten.

"We'll fix him later…" she sighed. But how?

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**Author's Note: **Yeah, so there you go. Hope you enjoyed the next chapter! It was so fun to write...as was the rest of our stories, but hey - who doesn't love penguins? -grin- But now, we have a **QUESTION** **FOR THE FMA PEOPLE READING THIS! **Okay, so we were watching the whole Hughes' death episode -more sobbing ensues- and we were wondering, do _you_ think it would be sadder if Envy had taken _Roy's _form instead of Gracias? And yeah, of course, you're wife killing you can't be that fun and it was dreadfully sad, but I mean, Hughes was looking out for Roy the whole episode, and sacrificing so much for him. Like when Riza was explaining to Roy: Hughes didn't want to worry him with the Elrics' problems - he wanted him to get to the top, without any setbacks. -sniffs- Hughes basically sacrificed himself for Roy. If Envy had actually taken Roy's form...his final thoughts would have been along the lines of_ "Roy...why...?"_


	9. Baskets of Flowers

**Disclaimer: **We don't own anything! Now get off my back! -cries-

**Author's Note: **So...it's Kawaii here. Akuhei and I were going to update beforeat my house...but my computer totallyf-cked up on me. -sulks-Anyway, I hope it works this time... -.- So yeah, the next chapter in teh smexy parody. Heck yesssssss. Yeah, you know the drill - read, laugh, review, laugh more, and live toread another chapter. -evil grin while hiding explosives- heehee. -innocentsmile-

**Teh Smexy Reviewers:  
Diverse-Thinker:**Awwww!That wasthe sweetest review we've ever gotten! And, NO Akuhei, that is NOT the ONLY sweet thing anyone hasEVER said to me! -throws sharp, pointy objects at Akuhei while teaching her how to spell properly- Moving on, it would be sooawesome to write the dialogue for an anime show! ...though I fear for the otaku world ifthat indeed comes to pass... wow, sounds like something out of LOTR... Anyways, TYSMfor the review!  
**Hezashi: **We won't discussHughe's death anymore...becauseitcompletely destroys theparody-ish mood! Tidus _beyond_ scares me... -shudder- someone needs to put him on a leash or something...Thanks for the review!  
**evilchik: **Poor Ed...The little guy gets bashed on so much! ...wait...did I say little? I meant...ah forget it. He's little and we all know it.But yeah, makes you feel so sorry for him! ...oh well. -evil grin- Your review was much appreciated!  
**Kari Mezmaru: **You were _close_to tears! I was _in _tears! -sniffle- And Akuhei was horribly shocked, but yeah, asI statedbefore, we shantdiscuss this untimely departure any more!We're so glad you liked the story!Thanks for the review, and keep writing!  
**ScarvsState: **We're writing! Writing like the wind! ...actually, there's no need to write anymore...we're done with the story! But we'll keepupdating frequently because welove you guys. -innocent smile- Domo for the review!  
**death88: **Yay! We aced it! ...oh, andwe're sorry for making the length of the story so short! We just don't want to give you too muchparody-ness in one sitting. -evil grin- Buuut...if everyone keeps reviewing...wejust might updatemore!Thanks so much for the review, and we're glad you found the content to be awesome -wink-  
**HikariUSA: **Glad you liked our story. And we're updating! We're hope it makes you happy. Thank you for writing!  
**EarthDragonAlchemist: **I'm so happy people find our material funny. Yes, you did have a point there. It made me think on it a bit...but it seemed more'the spur of the moment' if you know what I mean.Like, he knew it wasn't his wifre, but the shock of it probably made him forget that for a second. I dunno...Ijust wish it had never happened... -sigh- Thanks for the review though! It was intriguing. -wink- **

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Chapter Nine…Baskets of Flowers **

Everyone, bored, chose to go out for some Mexican food, mainly for the mariachi bands. As they were about to leave in Inuyasha's hott minivan, they fought over who would be strapped to the top of the car. After much confusion, broken limbs, and fighting, they made it to the restaurant, only realizing that they forgot to transmute Ed back to normal.

"We'll fix him later…" Winry sighed, engrossed in watching the Mexicans play that funky music. Upon returning to the suite after a hardy meal of tacos, bean burritos, and pizzas, Al decided it was time to give Ed his normal, short body.

"Hey, does anyone know how to _use_ Alchemy?" Al asked, only to receive nervous looks from the others.

"Don't you!" questioned Mimori. Al said nothing, while scratching the back of his neck anxiously.

"Look! I bought a book! Introduction to Alchemy!" Cougar showed everyone his multi-volume, very confusing-looking, reduce-priced, instruction manual. Seeing no other way to get him back to normal, the group huddled in a circle on the floor, trying to make heads or tails of this alchemy crap.

"Can anyone make the transmutal rectriangle thing?" Kazuma challenged.

"I like to draw!" Cloud shared with the rest. Someone handed him a sharpie, which he opened and started sniffing immediately.

"No! Don't sniff it!" Aeris commanded, pulling out her trusty taser. Cloud, eyeing the instrument of mass destruction, started on constructing the 'transmutal rectriangle,' which just happened to be a circle.

Winry ran back into the bedroom and returned to the living room, throwing the plushie on the drawing. Wait, did we say throwing? We meant…gently…placing…yeah…let's go with that…

After many attempts and transmuting the doll into various inanimate objects, Kikyou somehow managed to get him back to normal.

"I kick ass, bitches!" she cheered happily, "I mean, uhh…you're welcome."

"Heck yes! Only my woman could do that!" Inuyasha agreed. Noticing his remark, he blushed furiously, hoping Kikyou wouldn't pull out her arrows again. To his surprise, she walked over and gently placed a kiss on his cheek. He blushed even harder, and couldn't help but grin. With that, the two ran out of the suite…to go…pick flowers…yeah…let's go with that…

"Al, I'm sure you could've transmuted him back," Winry said, placing a hand on his shoulder. Heeheehee. Ed, noticing this, turned around and tried to ignore it. Suddenly, without warning, Winry let out a loud sneeze. With that, a soft 'meow' came from somewhere in the room.

"AL! DO YOU HAVE A CAT!" Winry screamed, "I'M ALLERGIC TO CATS! THAT'S IT…WE'RE OVER!" Winry ran out of the room, sobbing, leaving a thoroughly confused Al and cat sitting on the floor. Ed followed, hoping he could make her feel better. Awwwwwwwwwwww…

"Okay. That was quite interesting," Ryuhou muttered to himself. In the distance, he could see Kazuma and Mimori having a great time. No…wait…what?

"OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T USE THOSE LATEX GLOVES!" Mimori screamed, chucking Ed's empty Listerine boxes at a terrified Kazuma. "WE ARE SOO THROUGH!" She sobbed, running once again into the ladies' restroom.

"Can you get me that McFlurry this time?" Cougar asked from his chandelier. Ryuhou watched sympathetically as the girl ran into a pole on her way to the facilities, knocking herself unconscious.

"Man, we know you like her, foo, so you might as well go help her, yo," Inuyasha stated, walking into the room with Kikyou, baskets of flowers in their hands. No one said a word, but all eyes turned to Ryuhou. He felt himself glowing with embarrassment.

"Fine. Might as well assist a fallen maiden," he spoke as he started walking towards Mimori, who was beginning to stir. He picked her up, bridal-style, and was amazed to hear her shriek.

"HENTAI!" she struck a dazed Ryuhou with a Listerine box, "oh, it's you. You came to save me!" she smiled and wrapped her arms around the still confused man, who turned even redder than before.

"Awwwwwwwwww..." everyone sighed as they saw the cute little couple heading off to the foyer.

"What the hell? We have a foyer?" Riza questioned. "Kouga and I could've gone there…" Roy grew wide-eyed and stared at her. "What, you didn't notice I was off picking flowers with him?"

"No! I was too busy cleaning off sheep guts from the walls!" Roy cried.

"Oh. You're loss," Riza said before turning around.

"WTF? You're the one that made me!"

"WOULD YOU TWO GET A ROOM? WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR INSIGNIFICANT, HUMAN PROBLEMS!" Sesshomaru yelled, getting nods of approval from the rest.

"Man, I want lima beans," Envy proclaimed from somewhere in the room. No one said a word.

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**Author's Note: **Heck yes my computer didn't die out on me this time! -happy dance- Well, there you have it folks. Just one step closer to the end...but keep reviewing and sending us your thoughts! We love reading them! ...and we don't want to have to pull our explosives out now...do we? -evil grin- heehee -innocent smile- 


	10. Fortune

**Disclaimer: **WE DON'T OWN ANYTHING.

**Author's Note: **THIS IS THE THIRD TIME WE'RE ATTEMPTING TO WRITE/POST THIS. It's a long story, involving the page losing connection and the pressing of ctrl+ w...never, ever press those two together! THEY X OUT THE EFFING SCREEN! ...THANKS A LOT AKUHEI. SO WHAT? You did it plenty of times before! Not before we had thanked HALF THE REVIEWERS! NO!AFTER WE THANKED ALL THE REVIEWERS! -throws things at Kawaii- SO? YOU CAN'T SPELL!THIS IS GETTING PERSONAL! BRING IT! HAVE IT YOUR WAY, BITCH! YOU KNOW WHAT! TAKE A COMMENT CARD AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS! -Akuhei and Kawaii fight leaving a path of destruction behind- Now that we have that out of our systems...This is the LAST installment of our parody. Yes, the **last.** Really, we're not lying. And we're not saying it just because we're pissed. It's really over. -sobbing ensues- But, you still have to review and let us know what you thought of our last chapter... -sniffles-

**Reviewers that have stuck with us till the end:  
Kitty: **FINALLY! Everyone's finally showing their _true _feelings for each other. ...except Envy, but everyone knows he has the hotts for Ed. I mean, did I say that out loud? -cough- ahem. Anyway, thanks so much for all your reviews!  
**Purtail: **We're sorry! It's over! We really wish we had more to post up...but it's over. Thanks for thinking we're awesome writers. It motivates us to continue writing. -hint hint wink wink- Thank you so much for the review!  
**evilchik: **Everyone is so dirty. Picking flowers...-shakes head in disgust- Well, at least we know they're getting along... Thank you for all your reviews, we appreciate them so much!  
**death88: **Yesss. Another 100! All hail bonus points! We're so glad you liked our previous chapter. But it's over! We're gonna miss not getting hundreds anymore... -sniffs- Thanks for all the reviews you've given us! -hugs-  
**Kazinoki: **We're glad this fic made you laugh! Whenever we re-read it, we start cracking up. Yes, we KNOW we're pathetic...but we don't care. -grins- Thanks for the review, but we're sorry that our fic is over! -sniffles-  
**Kari Mezmaru: **Are you kidding! If Ed turns into a plushie, I'LL KEEP HIM! -Akuhei sniffles in the background- Don't wory, I'll clone him and then we'll share! Thanks so much for your review!  
**EarthDragonAlchemist: **We might have to run from Kikyou if she ever learns alchemy... -hides- Thank you for all the reviews, we appreciate them so much!  
**HikariUSA: **We're so sorry it's over! We really wish we could keep writing...but good things must come to an end... Wow, this sounds waaaay too classy. So, TYSM for the review!  
**Hezashi: **We're glad you liked the pairings! They're just too cute. And we might have to stuff Tidus in an asylum if he keeps up being...weird. Thanks for all your reviews, we've always loved them.  
**xsnowboarderx: **We might have to use those to dump people too. Though, I fear we'll scare everyone in the surrounding area. heehee. Thanks for all your review, and we hope to read one last one!  
**BambiniMargera: **Okay...I'm going to hand this one over to Akuhei... -runs- Thank you for your review. It was very kind...until the part about killing Kikyou. Kikyou happens to be one of my favorite characters, and I'd never consider killing her as I'd never consider making Kagome and Inuyasha a couple. Also, we'd never put the little room incident in our stories because we really don't pride ourselves in grossing people that just want a few laughs. Anyways, thank you again.  
**ScarvsState: **Alright, I'm going to go ahead and finish this last review while Akuhei's hyperventilating. By we, I mean 'we.' There are 2 people writing this fic! Me - Kawaii Fantasy. The other one - Akuhei no Kyouwa. Heehee. And no, I'm not seeing things. It really is 2 people here. Honestly! Moving on, Thanks for all your reviews!

**

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**Chapter Ten…Fortune**

After a little talk between Ed, Al, and Winry, everything was sorted out…kind of. Ed followed Winry into the bedroom, after seeing her upset.

"Hey, are you okay?" Ed hesitantly asked her, noticing that she had finally stopped crying…and sneezing.

"Yeah…I have allergies. Cats give me puffy eyes and make me sneeze like crazy. Damn them to hell." Winry replied. Suddenly, Al walked into the bedroom.

"Did you get rid of the cat?" Ed asked.

"Yes…" Al sniffed.

"Good." Winry stated.

"Are you guys fighting again?"

"No."

"Good."

"Man, this conversation sucks ass."

"Quiet, brother. Remember what the doctor told you…"

"I DON'T HAVE NO DAMN BOTTLED UP ANGER! AND I DON'T F-----G WANT ANY ICE CREAM!"

"'Emulate what you respect in your friends.'"

"Al…are you reading off of a fortune cookie?"

"Yes, Winry! Your lucky numbers are 9, 14, 21, 35, 41, and 14!"

"Al…you said 14 twice…"

"Be quiet, Nii-san!"

"Ed, why were you so upset over Al and me?"

"WHAT! I wasn't upset! I was just…er…worried…"

"Suure, Ed."

"Suure, Nii-san."

"Really! I was worried because…ummm…Al's too…er…young for a relationship…yeah."

"It's okay, brother. Having a girlfriend isn't that great."

"AL! I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!" Winry sobbed. At this, Ed twitched again.

"I DON'T WANT A GIRLFRIEND! ESPECIALLY NOT THAT MECHANICAL BITCH!" Winry threw a wrench at Ed. He fell with his hands on his head.

"WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR!"

"ALCHEMY FREAK!" After another time out due to bottled up anger and wrench…again…the three left the bedroom and headed off to the main room.

"You guys stopped fighting!" Yuna exclaimed happily. Ed and Winry glared at each other, but nodded nonetheless. Suddenly, the ceiling above them crashed, sending Cougar and his chandelier to the ground. Two policemen jumped from the newly made hole in the ceiling.

"Everybody freeze!" one of the policemen commanded.

"…the hell did you do that for!" Ed yelled angrily.

"Wanna run that by me again?" the second policemen aimed his gun at Ed, in the same, creepy way Riza did. Ed scuffled behind Al, using him as a human shield.

"Can we help you two fine gentlemen?" Ryuhou casually questioned.

"Yes. We are aware that a Mr. Cloud and a Ms. Aeris are guilty of hugging a minor…a Ms. Yuna?" Aeris and Cloud looked at each other and gulped. They could see Cougar crawling to a corner of the suite, hugging his beloved chandelier in tears. In the other corner of the suite, they could see Envy with a pile of sticky notes, scribbling furiously.

The policemen grabbed the two culprits by the toes and threw them into the magical mini fridge. The others stared in awe as the fridge rose into the air, flying away through the hole, only to return 5 minutes later. They opened it, and found no sign of the two.

"Dayaam, we need to get a new mini fridge, yo." Inuyasha commented.

While everyone discussed the topic of renting a used fridge, Kazuma walked over to Cougar, who was clutching is poor chandelier.

"Hey bro, are you okay?" Kazuma asked.

"I want my mommy!" Cougar wailed.

"…THE HELL! STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR MOMMIES!" Ed and Winry cried loudly, wrapping their arms around a distraught-looking Al, huge tears pouring down their faces.

"Okay, let's go." Kazuma said, ignoring the three sobbing idiots. The two got up, dragging the chandelier behind them, snagged the keys from Mimori's back pocket, and walked casually out of the suite. The rest stared after them. In the distance, they could hear the roar of the rental car's engine.

"Hey! We need that!" Mimori cried as she and Ryuhou ran after them.

Everyone stared at them, trying to hide their laughter. A few moments later, the two returned, looking thoroughly harassed.

"Damn them. They hath stoleth our vehicle…ith!" Ryuhou muttered, getting strange looks from everyone else due to his Shakespearian lingo.

"You can ride in our private jet now that Cloud and Aeris have disappeared," Yuna suggested.

"Can we stuff Tidus in the trunk though? He's kind of creepy…"

"You _don't_ want to be back there…believe me…" Ayame sighed. Kouga walked up to her and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Kouga! What ever happened to us?" a distraught Riza questioned.

"Well…you don't pick flowers quite like Ayame does…"

"What the hell?" Roy asked stupidly.

"Haven't we been over this?"

"Uhh…sure."

"Okay. Of course we can stuff him in the trunk!" Yuna said happily.

"I LOVE RIDING IN THE TRUNK!" Tidus yelled, jumping up and down. The others backed away.

Everyone got together all of their stuff, and headed down to the lobby. Al was still watching Ed and Winry carefully to make sure they wouldn't fight again. Inuyasha and Kikyou walked together, and luckily for Inuyasha she had packed her bow and arrows…far, FAR away. Ayame and Kouga were laughing at Roy running from Riza, gun still in hand and a grin on her face. Yuna was busy fixing Tidus' hair, as he decided it was looking a bit off-color today. Ryuhou and Mimori walked hand-in-hand, discussing politics. Far behind the rest of the group, Envy and Sesshomaru were discussing evil schemes.

"This Sesshomaru is intrigued by the evil things one can do with sticky notes. It seems humans aren't as dull as this Sesshomaru thought before."

"I'm homunculi."  
"Well, then it is realized that this Sesshomaru was found correct to begin with."

"You talk weird."

Sesshomaru glared at him, but they both continued snickering at the sticky notes slapped to everyone's back.

As they finally reached the lobby, they exchanged numbers and said their final goodbyes. Suddenly, Ayame noticed the sticky note taped to Kouga's back. She ripped it off and read.

"Ed…f----d…Roy. Oh my…"

"I WHAT!" Ed screamed as loud as he could, shaking with rage.

"How did they find out?" Roy asked himself quietly. Riza smacked him and glared. "I was just kidding!" Before anyone could do anything, Ed had started running after Envy, wanting to tear him limb from limb. Seeing as this would just hold them up, they left. Leaving Ed and Envy running around screaming.

"We'll come back for them later…" Winry sighed.

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**Author's Note: **Alright, so that's it. It's over! ...or is it? If you guys want a**SEQUEL** to this, just let us know! We're planning on writing one, but if no one's going to read it, why bother? Just let us know, and thanks for reading our story! We hope you've liked it from beginning to end. -happy face-


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